Genders Beauty

                  Good morning. It is not the most beautiful of days; rainy, gloomy, blah day. However, the sun could not shine brighter in my heart. There is not a lot I can post as of yet that would pertain to how the hormones have effected me. Nor will there be for some time. My thoughts are always quite active though, and so I have been considering the depression and angst I have felt during the times of struggle where in I felt I must hide from the world. For years I felt very alone in this aspect. I have known homosexuals. I have known drag queens. I have known many people, even those who were quite accepting of anyone and everyone for the simplicity of an honest, heartfelt love of a friend. However, when we look inside, we see things in a different light as they personally reflect upon us and hinder our thoughts and emotions from escaping. It has taken me a lot longer to learn this than I originally had thought. Through this process of allowing Rachyl to become true, not only to herself, but to the rest of the world I have learned that we are never alone. I have been having some meaningful, important conversations as of late with a very dearly loved friend of mine. She is in Sociology at the moment. As she has been learning, they say gender is taught, where as sex is who you are as a given. I cannot proclaim to fully be able to explain what they are saying, though it has made me look deeper inside, and even outwardly at those around. It is an extremely true statement. Sex, being the nature of anatomy, is your given stature. If you are born with male genetalia, then by standards of sex, you are male. Hence, female anatomy, female. However, as for those with a Gender Dysphoria, the outward sex is only a minor inflection of what truly is our make up. Gender? That is where we must look into our hearts. The simple truths. The emotional understandings. The inner workings of our minds. Gender is something we are taught by our families, by society, by those around us who are even our friends throughout life as children. As children, boys are taught to be boys, not to play with dolls, not to dress cute (in a feminine sense), not to cry as much as they are to be tough. Girls are taught to play with dolls, to learn the arts of make up as they grow, to dress in a girly way, and in some cases even to be clean and avoid the mud and insects as these things are deemed worthier of boys. To be girly in fact does not reflect truly in this sense. Personally speaking of course, I love nothing more than to fix my make up, put on a cute dress, and be seen for the beauty which resides inside, however, given the opportunity, I will throw on old clothes and you may catch me in the woods climbing over stuff, or playing in creeks. As we grow our identities change in many forms. Some of us do not feel it as early, some of us are only afraid to let it show. I ask that you consider the things you have been taught. They are your mind's acceptance of what the world has in store for you. However, our gender cannot be defined by another. It is in our hearts that it resides the deepest. We must look inward all our lives to see what truly is there. Our thoughts, feelings, desires, passions, love. All of these things tie in to what our hearts true identity is. As a child we become conditioned to be what we are told we are. As we grow older we learn to see things through our own eyes. No matter your age, take a look inside. Truly open yourself to your heart, and accept who you are. Beauty is not weight, not a height, not an amount of make up, not a haircut, not a perfect smile. Beauty is love. The love we offer to those around us. That is our truest form of beauty, and through releasing this beauty, we may find ourselves in a place where, through the darkest of storms, the most amazing things grow inside of us. We have our place in this world, we are the Butterflies. We are the ones shedding the outside which haunts us, to let our true hearts fly free. We are never alone, and though often mistreated, we are loved by many. The road to finding ourselves is a long and difficult one, and this leg of my journey has only begun. We all have it in us to make this step. Keep your hearts and minds open. Know you are never alone, and that beauty may shine through you like you have never known before. I will post more often when the changes begin to occur. This is only day four, and so I have as yet felt and seen nothing. In time things will change. Love each other, and be proud of who you are always.