Becoming a hardass

          I will admit most people do not like the truth. Truth honestly does hurt the tender heart. However, as a person, I personally do not like having to repeat myself as most of my friends would understand. Being the person I was before this venture, I sugar coated everything. No lies or deceit, just abundant amounts of love and sweetness layered on top of what needed to be said. Unfortunately, as I have witnessed more oft than not, no-one gets through the sugar coating to see what they need to see. They all get stuck on the loving sweetness and adhere themselves to that as though begging for more. Continuously they feed off of it. This is not healthy, for them, nor for the sweet individual. As of late I cannot say I have been the same. I have stood my ground, spent nearly an entire year completely alone, with nothing but a phone to hold on to for friendship, and I have grown in many ways, as well as becoming a bit more rigid. I have had some amazing support from dedicated, loving friends who offered me up the sweetness I offered others, though when the time came, they did not sugar coat what was needed to be heard. They simply put it in my face and allowed me my own time for understanding. Not once did I take any of this offensively as in truth, it is necessary to get through the thick skin of someone who has feelings, but is unwilling to take care of them the right way. Not one of my friends has ever tried to lay any claim to the path I am now on, though in my mind, I owe them all a rather large thank you, and all the love my heart could give to a friend. They helped me through the worst of my struggles, some staying by my side, others leaving. Regardless, I got where I am at today by standing up and standing tall and proud even through the most painful of moments. I have had my fair share of breakdowns, but I do not live in despair. I simply wish to let that pain go. Anyhow, as of late, I have noticed once again that someone I called a dear friend has had many up and down moments of actually acting quite rude in some ways. It seems this person is so easily offended by everything that does not go the way they are hoping, as though everyone is continuously doing them wrong. I care deeply for this person, and do not care if me typing this offends them anymore. I believe they need to see it. I can only repeat myself so many times before the sweet taste of the words coming out of my own mouth make me gag as though I am choking on the loss of air inside. If anyone you know has these kind of issues, or continuously comes to you with depression problems, don't hurt them intentionally, but don't sugar coat what you say either. They will only hold to that and not see that they may want to get help. Depression isn't something to be played with. I have upon multiple occasions swallowed enough pills to kill multiple people, though miraculously I survived. This is not a game. I feel bad in a way for not giving any more of the sweet sugar coated shit, but in truth, I did what needed to be done and told them they may want to see a Doctor. I wasn't rude about it though it ended badly when they had the nerve to speak of having depression being "something wrong with someone". There is nothing wrong with me and I truly have a paper trail that a blind man could follow through my psychiatric problems. I am still proud of who I am and who I have become but I do not denounce others for their faults, I simply ask they fix them in the proper manner. I especially ask this of those I know and love dearly as friends as they do not understand how I value people. I have become a hardass about it though. Tired of repeating myself. Tired of sugar coating. A year of loneliness will do that a person. I have become, not bitter, but better. Able to accept myself and others fully without question or judgment, but no longer able to sustain others' problems on my shoulders as though everything is only bad for them. I will admit I had my bad piece to say to this friend and I am at a point where I am now done. I do not appreciate people using "crazy" as something bad. We are all a little messed up. Getting help doesn't make you less of a person. It makes you more of one because instead of sitting around hurting those you claim to care for, you show them how you care by taking care of someone they care for : YOURSELF. Wake up to the reality that slaps you every morning. I live in a world of fantasies because that's what my mind likes to do, but I still know that in reality, it devastates others when I lose my grip and fall. We can only hold each other up so long. Give love and support, but be stern about your resolve. It is time people stopped relying only upon each other and see that through helping ourselves AND each other to varying degrees we can all achieve a semblance of happiness we did not expect before. Sorry for the long post. Just a lot on my mind as you can tell.