Body Language

          I realize today is four months of hormone therapy and I am about to post the monthly pictures as a record of where I am at. However there are a couple things I would like to discuss. I have watched myself closely, noticing a variety of changes that I have not been here to discuss. I will not post them all right away as I do not wish to overdo it all at once. Right now I am going to look at the body language changes. My actions have changed, and though I realize before I gave quite a few gestures that were considered more feminine than masculine, never before have I had such body language as now. My arm movements, my hand gestures. All have seemed to open up in a variety of different ways that truly shows the femininity I always felt on the inside, finally expressed on the outside. I am excited to see these changes, as before when I would have these moments I would freak out and try to hide them from people. I guess in a way I was afraid of being made fun of constantly, and I have had more than one person in my past tell me to stop doing certain things with my hands or my facial gestures as I appeared to be "gay" as they put it. I did not want people to drag me down, I had honestly dealt with enough of that, and so I tried my very best to avoid certain things. I was never truly able to be seen for who I was as I would not allow people to see me. I guess now that the hormones are truly having a more deeply connected effect on me, it just comes out as naturally as I always wished it would. Even so much so to the point that more often now I catch myself shaking my hips, dancing in my own happier moments. This was something I would never have allowed others to see before, but seem to be quite a bit more open about now. During these happier moments I truly allow the me I have always loved upon the inside to come out. It raises my own belief in myself in some ways as I realize the person on the inside is just as real as I always knew. This is my beauty. My unique odd behavior at times. I am much less afraid of being me now. I still have moments when I wish I could hide, but I have seen so much more happiness in myself and shown so much more of me that through whatever pains I may feel due to others, I will not allow myself to give up or fall back on myself.