Is this it?

          It has been slightly over a week since the hormones began. I have always been an emotional individual, prone to depression, prone to tears. Easily looking down on myself as I have such a hard time with confidence. I know this become disconcerting to most, and has driven many people out of my life. As I became more comfortable with letting my true self out, I began to see a new light. A belief, in myself. I began to feel the love I held inside burst forth. I believed things would be better, and I still do. Nothing could possibly make life right in the life I have lived for so long already. When I began hormones, I went through a spell of great happiness and excitement. As I am sure anyone would, knowing their lives are finally on the right track. From what I have learned talking to others, when hormones set in, we will go through an emotional phase first. Obviously this is to be true, as our bodies will be thrown from one place to another. Hormonal imbalances can cause some distress, depression, and emotional upsets. I cannot give an accurate timeline as to how these changes would effect another. Age is a factor. Hormone levels at the beginning of treatments are a factor. Many things can tie in to what will be experienced, and when it will happen. The past few days I have noticed the hyper activity I was feeling, the high I was on, is slipping away from me. I have been feeling less sure of myself. More afraid of losing those I love. More afraid of going right back down into that dark hole, where I found myself before. Truthfully, I am unaware as to whether this is the hormones having an effect as yet or not. I do believe it is. I have found my emotions mixed. Confused in a sense. I am more easily prone to wanting to cry. I am more easily disheartened. I feel slightly alone, though in my mind I know this is not the case. It has become a slight war within me, my mind trying to hold on to that happy, fun side of myself whilst my emotions are starting to push their way out of me in other ways. I have not yet hit the worst of it yet. I know this will only increase for a time before it begins to become better. I would like to warn you all, there will be sad moments, moments of depression, moments of fears, self rejection, feelings of being alone. As though those who are there truly do not care in the ways you believe. I have known most of these feelings all my life, through the depression and suicidal thoughts I once had every day. Keep your heads up, for these things will pass in time. I know this is the mere beginnings of a rough patch. Once through, our true beauty will shine forth again. Remember : "We must learn to walk through shadows of fear and doubt, pain and oppression to find the beautiful light of truth beyond, in a place where we belong".